the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize