Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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