dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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