i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
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Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
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He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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