Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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