If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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