I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize