So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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