he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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