Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize