Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize