lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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