you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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