Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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