HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize