Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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