Umm I'm too high to move.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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