I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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