He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize