Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize