Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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