Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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