Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
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