Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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