My liver just broke up with me...
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize