my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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