So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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