How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
My balls are so social today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize