you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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