Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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