And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
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There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
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Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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