Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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