You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
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He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
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You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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