just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
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I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
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Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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