God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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