Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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