That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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