i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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