just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize