Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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