You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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