i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
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Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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