omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
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I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
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If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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