She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
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She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
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Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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