Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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