glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
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He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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