There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize