Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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