I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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