Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
PANTIES FOUND
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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