I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
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I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
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I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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